Sunday, December 20, 2009

Memories: Answering Machine

I never saw the movie that inspired the message but I noticed it's on on-demand and it reminded me of an answering message we had when I was around 8 years old. It's funny that I can't remember really big memories when this silly message is permanently wedged in my brain.

"Bob and Carol live here but Ted and Alice don't. We can't get to the phone right now but if you leave your name and telephone number, we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Get ready, here comes the beep to leave your message."

Not sure if that's verbatim but it's close enough

- Posted from my iPhone

Sunday, December 06, 2009


Sue got me new Starbucks mugs on her travels. My collection is getting pretty darn awesome.

Bryn, Nadia and Alan at Halloween 2009.

Redskins' Game, don't know which one.

Carlos... still stretching...


Alan at a Redskins Game.

Carlos stretching before we head into the stadium.

Tobey and his new toy... which lasted maybe like 20 minutes.

Fireworks at Cathy's wedding.

Another firework (can you use that as a singular noun?) at Cathy's wedding.


I'm not positive but I think this one was at the Bourbon, Beer and BBQ fest at the National Harbor this past summer. Not sure why I took a picture of strangers and not the people I was with...

This was definitely from the Phish show in Asheville, NC this past summer.

This was during some shopping in Biltmore Village in Asheville, NC.

Barb at one of the Redskins games this past season... I'm sure we lost.

I think this was another Redskins' game entirely but I can't tell you which one.

We've Got a Bleeder

I hit my head right above my eyebrow... It's just a tiny little cut and I'm sure it's going to bruise like crazy but what I did NOT expect was the blood. My cut isn't even a cm long but oh my god you would think I'd sliced my whole forehead open. Drama.

- Posted from my iPhone

Saturday, August 08, 2009


In honor of my return to blogging... again, please hold the applause until I'm finished... I thought a new blog design was in order. That pinkish flower thing was great for a while but the older I get the more pink flowers just don't seem to cut it anymore.

I went hunting for the perfect new blog layout and well... I don't know that it's actually perfect but I like it well enough. The biggest changes are that I removed much of the added side crap that was just bogging down and cluttering the site. I also now have a pretty scrolling slide show of the 4 most recent posts now at the top of the blog. One more big change, and hopefully not too annoying, is that the full post will no longer be displayed on the front page. You will now have to click the actual title or picture thumbnail to read the post in its entirety. As I said, hopefully that's not too annoying.

Well... happy blogging to me and happy reading to you. (Hopefully I've maintained my 2 faithful readers even after I disappeared on them for so long!)

Friday, August 07, 2009


There was this kid in high school, he was older than me - although I can't remember by how much. I was a sophomore so he must have been a junior or senior and unfortunately, I can't remember his name. What I do remember is he fit the quintessential stereotype for a sitcom nerd. The kid that everyone picked on, the kid that the boys did mean things to, the kid with glasses who had them broken again and again.

One semester during my sophomore year I decided to take Peer Helping. This is ironic simply because it was within this class that I remember seeing bullying in it's most basic form. The class was for sophomores, juniors and seniors so the sophomores were quick to stay under the radar and find their place slowly and quietly.

I remember being fortunate enough to have an acquaintance who was a senior, Kelly, in the class with me. I'm not sure she was excited I was there because I was young and unsure and Kelly was confident and popular. But she took me under her wing and never made me feel like it was a chore. We would tutor and read to kids at the local elementary school during class sometimes and she and I would always ride together in her car. She would ask me all about my life and really try and be my friend. I can't remember Kelly's last name but I remember how much it meant at the time. I'm telling you about Kelly because you need to know why I was the way I was.

Being class "friends" with Kelly allowed me entry into a world where, at least during that class, I had immunity. No one could pick on me. It didn't matter that I was one of the youngest and knew the least amount of people in the class; because Kelly liked me I got a free pass. This gave me confidence that I very much needed in my life at the time. So when the bullying started up, I did nothing to stop it, in fact I cheered along with the rest of them.

Emotionally I was a mess in high school. I know that everyone always says this but in my case it was true. I was lying, I was intentionally trying to hurt people and myself, I was so devoid of any sense of self-worth that I think I actually went a little emotionally crazy. I was desperate for attention and drama but for whatever reason I was never really picked on. I was lucky to have a few genuinely good folks on my side... and it didn't hurt that they were popular. I was lucky that they saw beyond my insane desperation (this was before someone finally diagnosed me as manic depressive and put me on the drugs that eventually turned my life around) and when I was around them I was balanced and okay. I think it's also important that you understand where I was emotionally my sophomore year to understand, again, why I did nothing to stop it.

It started fairly early on. We had a great teacher who tried really hard to keep everyone equal in that peer helping class but behind her back she had no control. This kid, this poor upperclassman nerdy kid, was an obvious target right from the beginning. I didn't know anything about him or his tormentors but there was a history I'm sure because it started right away. They would throw things at him when the teacher wasn't looking and they would corner him in the hallway outside the classroom just to scare him. They would even go as far as to repeat ridiculous "jock" behavior they saw on TV and in the movies by giving him wedgies and trip him in the middle of the locker bays in between classes... when everyone could see... and laugh.

The kid would get so angry and try so hard to stay tough but I remember on one particular day he broke down and started crying after one of the other more popular guys in the class just wouldn't stop verbally abusing him. It was mean and cruel and heartbreaking. I would love to look down at the boys and girls (now men and women) that teased him and wag my finger at them but I was no better. My laughing, my inability to speak up or try to help the kid - in Peer Helping nonetheless - was as deafening as the bullying itself. I egged on the bullies, I pushed them further because they gained confidence from our positive response. I can't look down on someone when I was right there cheering them on.

It's not that I actually thought any of it was funny, not even back then. But being a part of a group... well they call it mob mentality for a reason. But more than that I think it had a lot to do with the fact that in that class I felt safe... but not safe enough that if I spoke up they wouldn't turn on me. Or even worse, associate me with him - making my social life a whole lot worse for the rest of my days in that school.

I was already on unsteady ground due to other things going on in my life, the last thing I needed was to wreck what little security I felt I had. I wish then, as many do, that I understood in the end how little high school would mean after the fact. My junior year of high school was easily the worst year of my life, personally and internally I was falling apart and we had yet to regulate the meds I needed back then to balance myself and stop acting absolutely insane. But strangely enough, I don't remember my own personal pain - maybe I've blocked it out, maybe it's why I have so few memories and so many holes in the ones that I still carry with me. The moments I remember best are the ones where I inflicted or helped to inflict pain on someone else.

The kid might have been socially awkward, he might have even been a little inept, but he never deserved the kind of verbal and physical abuse he received. All he wanted was someone to give him a break, I don't even think he was looking for friends at that point, he was just looking to be left alone. I'm ashamed I was ever even a part of it and the older I get and the more comfortable in my skin I get, the more I wish I'd done something to be kind. Kids are cruel and we don't get wise until we get older but still....

It is said that you should live your life without regrets but I disagree. I have many regrets. I only dwell on them occasionally, like right now, but while I understand I can't go back and change what's happened in the past it was all of these regrets that made me a better, clearer and stronger person today. I am not the same person I was in high school because I've worked hard to get away from that teenage girl. Without those regrets... I might still be stuck as someone I'd rather not remember or know.

I only wish that I hadn't been trying to constantly keep my head above water (and failing miserably) because even back then I was a better person and I knew that the bullying was wrong. Still, I did nothing.

For completely irrelevant reasons, I changed schools my senior year and started fresh with a better version of myself. Had the situation happened then my senior-self would've said something, stood up for the kid, felt empowered to be kind and not care if it threw me in the line of fire. Unfortunately my sophomore self was a whole different story.

I can't remember the kid's name. I'll never be able to tell him I'm sorry but I hope he made it out of high school okay, I hope he went on to have a good life and to forget all the tormenting he recieved. I hope he's well adjusted and never gives any of us a second thought... after all, we certainly are not worthy of his time and energy - at least not the "we" that we were back then.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


So it occurs to me today... I like blogging. I enjoy it. I need to do it more often. But I'm not really going to do it right now. So in reality... this is just a giant tease that sooner or later I might be making a COMEBACK! Seriously, I didn't mean for you to get that excited. Jesus, man, you need to f&%king chill out.

Oh and by the way, I went back and did a little reading from around the 2003-2006 era of this blog. Holy God I am sorry I was such a sappy ass loser. Really, why did you people indulge me so much. Crying over this guy, whining over not getting my way, posting IMs that I thought were funny that... well... aren't. I can't even believe you guys kept reading. Thank you my beloved 2 readers.

Sunday, April 05, 2009


My birthday is coming up and every year I buy myself a Television DVD box set that I want with money I get for my birthday. This year I have spent my time drooling over the Sports Night 10th Anniversary set. The only problem is that the economy sucks and I'm pretty sure that the money I get for my birthday should go toward more responsible things. This is okay. That DVD box set isn't going anywhere, I can always buy it when things are a little more stable - besides the price might even be lower then!

My point is this is just another string of little things that make me look down on my birthday this year. Aside from the fact that I am turning a nice round number that I would prefer to put off a year, I've been getting the feeling that if I thought people would look down on my being single in my 20s they are going to be even more brutal and judgmental in my 30s. It's unfortunate that I am the only single non-married or non-common-law-married person at my work. Nothing is ever said directly to me but there are lots of comments about people they know who aren't married. They forget I am in the room. And while I'm glad they're not targeting their comments right at me, the ones about getting older and not having a partner to get old with are starting to get to me again. I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay either way and I don't like when I have to remind myself of something that is already true. I may die the old cat lady (except with dogs) and I have to make peace with that.

Once again I've gotten way off track through the need to vent. But I have to say, despite the little shindig I am throwing for my birthday, I would be okay if it just came and went and no one noticed. Between the anxiety over money, the anxiety over not fitting a social mold, the anxiety over just about everything in general... well let's just say I'm not looking forward to my birthday.

But all of this crazy regarding a day that will pass so quickly I won't even notice is ridiculous. I was born on April the 14th and during that year I was born on a Saturday. This was EXCELLENT news because one day before and i would've had the pleasure of being born on Friday the 13th... and a day later I would've been born on Easter AND permanently share my birthday with the day taxes are due. I was born on the perfect day of that weekend, a day that while isn't ONLY my own is not one I have to share with a nationally hated day. And I certainly don't have to worry if my birthday falls on a Friday.

So right now I'm making a pact with myself to shut up and stop complaining about my damn birthday. I was born on a good day, people tell me their 30s are always better than their 20s, I have plenty of my life (cross my fingers and knock on wood) to still determine what path I want to take socially... and like I said... that DVD box set will be mine one day, even if it isn't this month! Things aren't so bad, I just have to remember to look at them in a positive light... as Lloyd Dobler once said "Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?" It's true. I'm deciding to get in a good mood.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Slowing Up

Sorry to say that I just don't have the time to keep up with this blog like I used to. It's a good thing, trust me. I'll still post from time to time when I feel I have something to complain about but don't expect daily updates... obviously. Just wanted to let you know what's up.


Sunday, February 22, 2009


I broke down on Friday, after a week of craving junk food and avoiding it at all costs, I decided I wanted to try the new Johnny Rockets across the street. I caved and stopped on my way home from work. I kept it simple, cheeseburger, fries, and unfortunately I broke and got a shake. Don't do that one people. Trust me, once you look up the calories you won't feel good at all about that shake - no matter how delicious it was. I promise. But the burger and fries, they were high in calories, high in fat and I just didn't care.

The thing is ever since I found out that that silly dinner restaurant was opening across the street I couldn't wait to try it out. It was very important that I did it, because now that I have I'm not in any rush to go back. It was excellent and I really enjoyed it - I'm not trying to scare patrons away from Johnny Rockets - I'll go back eventually. But my point it is was something I really wanted to try and now that I have I can move on.

I put on a lot of weight between the beginning of the holidays and recently. I finally got my butt back in gear and I've been doing pretty well. So really, you would think that I should feel bad about that meal. But I don't. It was damn good and by the next meal I was back in gear so yay for me... but BOO for that stupid shake. 1000 calories. ARE YOU KIDDING?! Lesson learned - ALWAYS look up food BEFORE you eat, not after.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Darn it! The Amazing Race just ended didn't it? I wasn't prepared to have to take on so many reality shows at once. Between Idol, The Amazing Race, True Beauty - yes I'm watching - shut up!, Top Chef and sometimes Survivor... I am drowning here. Cut me some slack. I don't want to have to admit I actually LIKE reality television.

Regardless, Amazing Race was awesome. Midgets, Deaf, Old, Hicks, Auburn alumni... all the outcasts were represented. I joke. I didn't mean to offend little people, the deaf, the elderly, or those who live in the sticks... but you Auburn alumni... you deserve it. You don't know why, but you do.

Well you know where I'll be now on Sunday nights... stupid reality television.

Friday, February 13, 2009


Assuming (knock on wood) that I continue in my job for the next 4 or possibly 8 years, I'm going to have to get used to being surrounded by republicans ALL THE TIME. Christ, I am the only democrat in my office. Guess it's good I've learned to tune out. At least my republican dad will be happy!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


As if it wasn't bad enough that I have been addicted to watching some of my favorite shows online, CBS is now streaming past goodies like 90210 (you know - the original) on My life is spent in front of the television and the computer (bad, I know but you'll just have to deal) so adding more options that keep me planted isn't exactly great news. On the other hand - YAY! More options to choose from!

Watch 90210 and your other favorites HERE.

Monday, February 09, 2009


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